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Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
Women can walk around all day long in a bikini, but God forbid if you see them in their bras and panties. I will never comprehend this.
How long do I have to wear these skinny jeans before they start working?
I love this oscillating fan, 5 out of every 15 seconds.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place to have sex.
If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
Golf is such a strange game. You shout four, shoot six, and write down five.
No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a break and enter.
Why can`t life be as easy as I am?
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I`d never be bored again.
Everyone please stop doing crimes because sirens are too noisy.
I wish people`s voices actually sounded the way they do when their spouse or partner imitates them during an argument.
I like to skip when I`m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.
Life is basically just a constant effort to not be disgusting.