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Keep calm and drink on.
Now what`s funny is "Si" from Duck Dynasty
I wish some people`s cardio exercise consisted of running into traffic.
I didn`t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Does eating a gas station hot dog counts as a suicide attempt.
Getting up in the morning is like writing an essay. You want to do it, it takes a lot of effort, and you usually quit halfway through.
I had no plans on looking sexy today, but sh!t happens.
There`s a reason why natural disasters have female names.
Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.
Advice of the day: Don`t go trick or treating at the bank. They get freaked out. Especially when it`s not Halloween
"You`re so cute!" works as a response to anything my girl says 99% of the time when I`m not listening which is 99% of the time.
My exercise routine needs to include a little more than opening difficult pistachios.
Our swear jar is always empty because of all the god damn foul mouthed thieves that live in this f*cking house.
There are 10 types of people in the world, Those that understand binary, and those who don`t.