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The first step to admitting you have a problem is having a problem.
I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
Weird when someone vanishes from your Facebook feed for 3 years then suddenly reemerges with the results of a "Which Muppet Are You?" quiz.
If a woman shaves her legs for you, at least every other day, in the Winter time, it`s Love.
I`m starting to think that life isn`t worth living anymore and... Oh wait, there`s the bartender now. Nevermind.
Ever notice how the automatic flush sensors in public restrooms kinda look like hidden cameras?
I talked to my mom, and she said she probably hadn`t had sex with any of you guys. Damn dirty liars.
I`m at the age where I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous
My house looks like I`m losing a game of Jumanji.
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
No matter what`s happening there`s always part of me that would rather be taking a nap or drinking.
The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.
The Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
You would think with all the ice water laying all over the world, it would be a lot cooler...
Do Hostess employees have Snowball fights?