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I smile when I`m having dirty thoughts :)
Remember, You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
I’m gonna have to get new pets, I’m running out of passwords.
I hate it when you can’t find your phone because you left it someplace stupid like in the car or your non-dominant hand.
My co workers put cookies on my desk, like they`re leaving a sacrifice for an angry god.
Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
I bet there`s a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
Oh honey, you`re not pretty enough to be that stupid
I am 5 for 5 on popping my trunk instead of unlocking the fuel door at the gas station.
Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.
CPR is the human version of blowing in to a video game cartridge hoping it`ll work again.
No one thinks the screenshot of your text messages are as funny as you do. No one.
The best thing about the internet is knowledge. You have all this knowledge at your fingertips! And we get to share what we learn with others! Oh...wait a second. I forgot about porn. OK I take it back. PORN is the best thing about the internet!
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)
Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of crap.