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Life is very funny, if you take the time to watch it.
I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it because it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
Why don`t we ever hear anyone bragging about their Allstate safe driving bonus checks?
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
My car said "low on fuel"..I replied "low on cash"..I`m still waiting for a reply..
I`m thinkin` Dodgeball........... but with random people..........who don`t know they are playing.............
I`m done chasing people who aren`t willing to do the same for me. After today, the ice cream man can go f*ck himself!!
If I learned anything from my children, it`s that it is always OK to do something stupid, as long as someone DARED you to do it.
How funny is it when you’re telling somebody a made-up story and someone says “Oh yeah I heard about that”?
Loneliness is when your sleeve unrolls itself while washing dishes and you try to roll it back up with your face.
Okay kids don`t ever talk to strangers or take candy from strangers or go to stranger`s houses except on the day we worship the devil.
In my will, I´m giving $50 to anyone who wears a Scream costume to my funeral and doesn´t say a word.
Im convinced that one day we will all live in the future.
just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards
You never outgrow sleepovers, they just become coed.