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People like you are the reason why the middle finger was invented
I am not acting childish and you`re just a big doody-head.
Did you hear about the Cannibal that "passed" his Uncle in the Jungle?...............
Hire a hitman is apparently not the correct answer to "what would you do if you won the lottery"
"what doesnt kill u makes u smaller" -mario Lol
I’m glad we can’t smell each other through the internet.
"Holy sh!t, that guy eats a lot of pizza" -people that walk by my house on recycling day.
Pro tip for picking up girls – keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
You never know what you have until you clean your room.
Card on top of gift reads `I want you wearing this tonight` only to open the gift to find NOTHING
It looks like bathroom tai chi but it`s me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.
You know what I just realized that in school they teach you not to do what you don`t want to do yet they still give us homework and we get in trouble because we didn`t want to do it ( confused )
Sleep is like a time machine to breakfast.
"You`re going to love my friend. He`s hilarious." is still the best way to know you`re about to meet an annoying person.