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I judge how safe an area is by the number of lit letters on the Waffle House sign.
The brain is like the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
Just used the "f word" over on FB so I`m waiting for the villagers with their torches, axes, whatever those people use.
Guess what`s brown and sticky... a stick.
If you think your wife has a sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose pedals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes
I don`t trust stairs. They always look like they`re up to something.
1) Go to Starbucks 2) Order coffee 3) Tell them your name is Waldo 4) Leave
If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
Leaving the house on a Monday morning would be so much cooler if someone would yell "Aaaaand Action!" as I walk out the door.
I hope this coffee gives me the energy to look busy all day.
What ? Who ? Exactly my point. Now move along and go read something else. Nosey !!
Afraid my muffin top is desiring to become a pound cake.
Happiness comes from within. That`s why it always feels so good to fart.
BOOK FACT: If you took every book at Barnes and Noble and laid them end to end you get thrown out by security and banned from returning.