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If you rub two sticks together fast enough, you`ll eventually start a widespread panic on the subway.
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
Facebook looks so boring on the outside, but once you start using it, its like NARNIA BRO!
My kids are always accusing me of having a "favorite child" which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
When one door closes, another opens ... I had a Chevette that was like that.
I SOOOOO wanted Kim and Kayne to name their daughter Wild Wild...
If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely!!
First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes not making any decisions and feeling guilty about asking for blowjobs.
Some people want a perfect relationship. I just want a cheeseburger that looks like the ones in commercials.
A high-pressure hose will usually stop a coworker from showing you any more baby photos.
Have you ever wondered about the look on someone`s face if you hide under their bed and grab their foot in the middle of the night? Just something to think about.....goodnight!
If turning alcohol into bad decisions ever becomes an Olympic event, I`m bringin` home the Gold! USA! USA!
So Stevie Wonder is going to become father to triplets next year. I guess he didn`t see that coming...
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
Me: I only smoke weed because of Cancer. Mom: You don`t have Cancer! Me: So it`s working...