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the jeremy kyle show, the only place you`ll see a six month old baby with more teeth than thier parents
Can anyone recommend a good movie to kinda listen to while I stare at my phone?
My fake plant died because I didn`t pretend to water it
If you don`t think of 50 different ways to murder your boss every morning on your drive to work you`re probably the boss
i dont drink any more and yet again i dont any less either
The best stories ever told always end with the words”…and then I got the hell out of there.”
Is it just me, or does this gravy I made taste like scotch? Anyway, best Thanksgiving EVER!
Married people always ask when you’re getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.
I should come with a warning label.
Laughter is not the best medicine. Laughter with large amounts of alcohol & wild crazy monkey sex - now that`s the best medicine.
Id explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.
Auto correct changed "group hug" to "grope hug" and I`m not in charge of the team-building exercises any more.
wife: It`s ruining date night me: It`s ruining date night because you`re letting it ruin date night hitchhiker: Just drop me off on the corner
Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That’s why most women wear makeup and most men lie.
My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy