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If I go missing this holiday season and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at the gym.
I have no fear of heights. I do, however have a fear of falling from heights.
Exercising can add years to your life. For example I jogged 4 miles today and now I feel like I`m 73.
My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I`d go to hell for.
Sometimes I wish that I could put my wife on airplane mode.
with great power...comes great electric bill...
Remember if you ask me to put sun lotion on your back, I am definitely drawing something dirty while I`m back there.
Some dude was bragging about his brother being a navy seal and it`s like...I don`t care what colour he is, why is your brother a seal
The trouble with bucket seats is that, not everybody has the same size bucket.
Working on my 32 point plan to be more spontaneous. Any suggestions?
I`m kind of like Hugh Hefner. Only without the mansion, the exotic cars, the girls, the magazine and the money. Basically, I`m just a guy in a bathrobe.
I self medicate, therefore you live.
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.
morning i hate girls evening i need girls
Redneck`s famous last words: "Is that enough duck tape?"