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I`m not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I`m forgetting to do.
They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys.
I miss being able to use the excuse "I wasn`t home when you called."
Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
Life would be so much more fun if there were random Dukes of Hazzard style car ramps along the drive to work.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in line, loudly, at amusement parks
This salad tastes like I`m about done with my New Year`s Resolution.
There’s literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house.
Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better about downloading music off the internet.
It`s a good idea to test your immune system from time to time by eating a gas station hot dog
I was pretty disappointed when my boss said we can`t do throw-back Thursday, or bring tequila shots to work
When my girlfriend texted me "I`m enjoying 5 guys in bed" I was quite surprised to arrive and find no hamburgers
Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I know where you can buy drugs"
I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.
6 FUNNIEST CONTRADICTING WORDS 1.Clearly misunderstood 2.Exact estimate 3.Small crowd 4.Found missing 5.Fully empty 6.Happily married