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If you watch Intervention backwards, it`s about a person partying hard after an awful family reunion.
If you have to ask if it`s too early to drink wine...You`re an amateur and we can`t be friends.
A mistress is something between a Mister and a mattress.
To show my support for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I`ll be giving free breast exams all month. Hit me up if you`re interested.
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them.
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
How to tell if your wife is mad at you - Step 1. She is
"keep moving.....nothing to see here"
Some people need a shock collar. I need the remote.
My New Years Resolution for 2015 is to stop being so impatient.
Thank god that racist basketball guy showed up or we`d still be talking about how we`re not finding that airplane.
Just saw a coyote next to the highway... I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
1) Second. 2) Minute. 3) Hour. 4) Day. 5) Week. 6) Month. 7) Year. 8) Decade. 9) Century. 10) Millennium. 11) Women buying clothes.
STD`s aren`t like pokémon, your not suppose to catch`em all!