Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My dog acts like his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
If you knew what I considered to be my "best behavior" it`s doubtful you`d advise me to be "on it".
Drinking coffee in the afternoon is like eating the mushroom that makes you big in Super Mario.
It`s cute how my wife thinks I can read her mind when I can`t even dress the kids properly.
I`m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off a bunch of sh!t all at the same time.
There was a spider in my bathtub so I got a tissue and very carefully burned the house down.
Does anyone have like twenty thousand dollars they don’t want? Asking for myself.
A new heavy metal Christian Rock band will soon be releasing their debut album. They`re called Nuns `n` Moses.
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
If anyone tells you, you have ADHD. Pay no attention.
I`ve decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
May your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you and heaven accept you.
PARENTS: your teen may be worshipping Satan. Look for these terms: LOL - Lucifer Our Lord, BRB - Burn Religious Books, TBH - Tell Beelzebub Hi
I keep a second pair of shoes at work, I don`t want people to recognize me when I`m pooping.
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.