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I used to be able to stay out much later than this. I find I just can’t these days. My phone battery just doesn’t have the stamina any more.
If you`re out running in jeans, I`m gonna go ahead and assume you just participated in a felony.
Please don`t hastag out loud...
I used to dream about becoming an astronaut. Now I just dream that there`s still time before the alarm goes off.
Tomorrow, history will be made. Months and months of advertisements and anticipation has led up to this historic day. America will see firsthand what is surely to be a historic event, and I am proud to say I will do my part and pick up my copy of Halo 4.
Remember when there was more important crap to do besides Facebook all day? Me neither.
The baby spit up on my Xbox so I had to get rid of it ... I`m gonna miss that baby...
You need a high five, in the face, with a chair.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever
As a nation, we may be spending our children`s money, but at my house, it`s the other way around.
If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
It`s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits
I met a guy exactly like my father so I brought him home and my mom shot him.
Let’s have a moment of silence for all these guys that tried to walk across power lines but fell because someone tied their shoes together.
Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."