Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The best thing about telepathy is…I know, right?
Thought for the day: Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that is where sh!tty ideas come from!
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
My wife has a thing for bringing injured animals home... I think she should just stop driving.
I have never been guilty of taking the smaller pizza slice.
Life is what happens when you’re not looking at a screen.
I don`t know who you are, but if you don`t stop sending me phone books, I will find you.....and I will smack you with it
When a girl says she wants you to splurge on her, calm down, it`s not what you think...
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
Don`t trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza....
Why has someone not invented a see-through toaster yet?
Who’s that sexy beast…………..oh I clicked on my own profile again. ;)
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich
Getting a text from someone when I`m trying to Facebook is the emotional equivalent to walking into a spider web.
I asked my girlfriend why she never tells me when she orgasms. She said she doesn`t like phoning me at work.