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Aging is inevitable, Maturing is optional.
My doctor said if I wanna drop a few pounds I`d have to stay away from carbs. So I`ve been using this insanely long straw to drink beer
It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
A beautiful woman could post "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I`m not dead ;)"
I`ve come to believe that everyone on Earth could benefit from a 12 step program.
For the record when I was a kid I never wanted to be an adult.
I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I`m not a good liar.
One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers.
Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today`s responsibilities tomorrow`s problem.
"How`s phone reception in the bathroom?" is an important question, but one you just can`t ask on a job interview.
If you`re not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you`re probably boring.
Actions speak louder than passive aggressive Facebook statuses.
Mister Rogers didn’t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
I`m not saying I`m out of shape but I just stretched, got winded, and need to lie down
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you’re hot.