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Nothing makes you feel more like a kid than the right breakfast cereal. Lucky Charms for me please!
I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
Pro tip: when you have a drug test and they tell you to go to the bathroom in the cup, that means PEE. Always.
If I tell you I can`t text you because I`m driving it`s only because I`m also eating.
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
My brain is giving me the silent treatment
I bet if the movie "mirrors" releases part 3, the 1st victim will die while trying to take a selfie
figured out today that my GPS has auto-correct....I put in "Beach house" and ended up in my ex`s driveway.
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
I never said I hated you. I just said that if you where on fire, I would consider roasting marshmallows. Big difference.
I get nervous after taking time off work, that in my absence my boss will realize how little I actually do at the office.
I`m really tired but it`s OK. There`s a nap for that.
You don`t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies.