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You should probably first master the art of thinking “inside” the box
This bulk box of peanuts I got from Costco tastes like styrofoam.
It’s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
I can`t believe I was late for work tomorrow..
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not sharks though. Or bees. Viruses. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don’t love anything.
I broke my finger today. But on the other hand I`m fine.
my boss told me to start the presentation with a joke,so I showed my payslip.
That awkward moment when Adele finds someone like me
Always believe a woman when she says: “You don`t want to know!”
I got so drunk last night I tried picking up every woman in the bar and now my back is killing me!
The fastest way to find out if your wife is just pretending to be asleep to avoid sex is to pick up her phone and start scrolling.
People who cook Hot Pockets in the oven, Where are you getting all this free time?
If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.
Trail Mix: M&Ms with obstacles