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My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I`m dating an animal :(
It was love at first sight...I should have looked twice.
Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
96% of my life is spent trying to figure out when I can get my next nap in.
Dating a single mother is like pressing continue on some one elses saved game
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent from my iPhone
No one looks more depressed than a grown man walking away from the microwave with a Lean Cuisine meal in his hands.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
Help me Obi Won Bacardi, I`m sobering up.
Government shutdown day 8: Electricity still works. Water is still running. No cool gangs to join yet. Worst apocalypse ever.
Hi everyone! Welcome to AA. This is a "judgment free" zone...unless we`re talking about Janice who ate all the cookies last week.
When people see ghosts, why aren`t they naked? Do clothes die and become ghosts too?
love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.
Hello, fire department? Is this Mr. February? Yeah, I`m stuck in a tree. Uh, I mean... meooow.