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All I`m saying is that the cheese grater wouldn`t have 4 sides if they wanted you to wash it after every use.
I`m definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit.
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
Remember when there was more important crap to do besides Facebook all day? Me neither.
When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.
So far my bracket is perfect! I can`t wait to fill the rest of it in.
Why doesn’t a deli slicer just have a scale on it?
I put my head between my legs and lean forward.....thats how I roll
I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD
I wasn`t going to get so many groceries, but there was a new girl working today and she took my check.
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
my imaginary friend thinks ur crazy? an shes hot!
I`ve been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately. The most common one seems to be "You said you`d be home from the bar three f*cking hours ago!"
I like working from home. It`s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.