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"I have almost $67 in the bank!" sounded a lot more impressive when I was 12.
Waffles are just pancakes with abs.
is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it.
Nothing like calling off work and watching porn all morning.
I did not trip...the floor looked like it needed a hug.
How will you survive a zombie apocalypse if you scream & run when you see a spider?
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Don`t forget to get your hurricane glasses before looking at it.
According to new research, too much sex can cause memory loss. Finally, something that explains my ultra detailed photographic memory.
I finally did it. I gave my cat a bath today. It really wasn`t that bad. She enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. Other than the fur sticking to the roof of my mouth, it went well.
When buying a flat screen tv, always remember to put the box in your neighbor’s trash so you don’t get robbed.
Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow.?
I already know that I`m going to hell ... At this point it`s really go big or go home.
Holy sh!t Karma, how much longer till we`re all squared up?