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Which wine goes best with more wine?
Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.
Cranked the treadmill up to MAX for 15 minutes. When I finally took a break my roller skates were hot to the touch.
When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.
I`m pretty sure whoever coined the phrase " rise and shine", doesn`t do it anymore.
I maybe wrong but I doubt it.
Based on how I react when the toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
Men ask us if we`re naked when we tell them we`re taking a bath. THAT`S why they pay more for their car insurance.
The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she’s never around when I’m awake.
I`m afraid if I start working out, I`ll be too sexy
When you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
I remember the days when I could refer to my knees as right and left. Now I refer to them as the good and bad knee.
Don`t get out of bed, it`s a trap.
I find it quite ironic that the most dangerous thing about weed is getting caught with it.
Showed the kids here how to eat corn-on-the-cob typewriter style........ Now explaining typewriter.