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Not to brag, but I`m pretty good in bed. I don`t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
OK. If you`re so smart, what`s the answer to this question?
The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
That "No alcohol beyond this point." sign might as well say "I bet you can´t chug that whole beer!"
I don`t lift so maybe I`m wrong about this, but I feel like Popeye might be focusing on his forearms too much.
I hate how after an argument I think of really clever stuff I should have said.
Happy Monday!! I`m gonna sit this one out.
I can`t stand people who use song lyrics in their status` because they remind me of sombody that I used to know
Once you have to start paying a babysitter every time you go out, you realize most friendships aren`t worth it.
If you hold a 40oz bottle to your ear you can hear the ghetto.
How do you make your wife scream during sex?? Call her and tell her about it.
I don’t know how your day is going, but I just got lucky on the couch! Yep, I found a dollar!
Women, we don`t say this enough, but thank you...Thank you for not killing us in our sleep. Sincerely, Men.
Are oranges named orange because they’re orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?
Having a pen!s is like having a friend that always wants to play.