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I only say "God bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
Cranked the treadmill up to MAX for 15 minutes. When I finally took a break my roller skates were hot to the touch.
I`ve got good news and bad news. The good news is this status is almost over. The bad news is you read the whole thing.
Would you be a deer and run out in front of my car for me?
My girlfriend told me that I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman ... What a Joker...
You only live once is the most reassuring thing I`ve ever heard.
Facebook is like my fridge… I know there is nothing there but I check it every 10 minutes anyways.
I just told my wife it took her longer to pick a Netflix movie than it took me to pick out her engagement ring and that was a bad analogy.
I was fighting with this guy over who`s lazier. I let him win.
Just saw the first duckface of Spring.
FYI: Every Scooby Doo episode would literally be 2 minutes long, if the gang went to the mask store 1st & asked a few questions.
Don`t feel bad if you don`t enjoy my posts. The important thing to remember is that I do. I enjoy all of them. That`s what matters.
Browsing the internet when bored is like the virtual version of checking the refrigerator...
I bought a little bag of air today, and the company that made it were kind enough to put some potato chips in it.
"Is everything OK?" "Well, I`ve been kind of down since the divorce..." "I meant with your pasta, sir."