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How can so many movies be “based on real events” when no one farts?
9 out of 10 husbands agree that their wives are always right. The 10th one hasn`t been seen since the study was conducted.
When I was a kid…no wait, I still do that.
Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.
Yes, I realize I’m leaving early. But don’t forget, I also came in late.
So when is this `old enough to know better` suppose to kick in ?
Just wrote ‘You have no new messages’ on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and threw it far out to sea.
If you have really strong opinions on subjects that you know very little about... then Facebook just may be the perfect thing for you.
Who decided that we should sit together in groups while we chew food?
I`m sorry if I come across as crude, outspoken, and opinionated. That`s only because I am crude, outspoken, and opinionated.
Love means never having to say you’re sorry until you`ve thought up a good excuse.
I didn’t sell my soul to the devil….we worked out a rent-to-own deal.
"in other news… it turns out being mayor of Toronto is all that its cracked up to be" - George T. Ignace
My bedroom is perfect for a one night stand, but there’s no room for two night stands.
I think I may have misunderstood my boss yesterday when she told me that she wanted to see me hard at work