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It`s impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
I`m not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick.
Sorry I said "You`ll Do" instead of "I Do" at our wedding.
Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
Why do some people call it a "tuna-fish" sandwich? It`s not like anyone calls it a "chicken-bird" sandwich.
Did I already do my deja vu joke?
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
Is it so much to ask that everyone who ever wronged me be forced to leave the country and change their identity?
To find out your dolphin name, lick your finger tips and rub a balloon
I feel like doing something productive today. If I sit here long enough, maybe it will go away.
If you forget your hook-up’s name, just take them to Starbuck’s in the morning.
I swear July only lasted like 3 minutes
You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo.
if your dirty, your dirty... you cant fix it
If someone invites you to their wedding, it`s apparently bad form to say "Sorry I can`t make it but I`ll come to your next one".