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Why go to a therapist when a woman will explain everything wrong about you free of charge?
I`m pretty sure my Internet Explorer “error reports” end up the same place my letters to Santa do.
I miss being the age when I thought I would have my sh!t together by the age I am now.
I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number? ...hmm
Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear
Gyms are full of people that haven`t found the right couch.
I have a stalker. Everywhere I go, she`s always there, 10 paces ahead of me...
Ever update an app and realize the "fixed issues" were all a lie and it will never be the same? That`s what going back to an ex is like.
When plastic bags become currency, I will be king.
I`m Not Single. I am romantically challenged
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
Half the time spent on Facebook is likely spent by creeping people and /or staring at the screen waiting for something interesting to happen.
Monday: A terrible way to spend 1/7 of your life.
There would be a lot less people willing to run for public office if the losers were required to pick up all the lawn signs afterwards.
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.