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Nothing is as scary as logging into Facebook and seeing someone you were secretly with last night has uploaded a new album.
Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn`t have said.
Women can walk around all day long in a bikini, but God forbid if you see them in their bras and panties. I will never comprehend this.
I once tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck up my nose.
I don`t really understand why women are expected to be able to cook if they can give blowjobs.
I prefer to use the bathroom naked w/ the door wide open. Sorry if this interferes with your idea of a "safe & fun work environment"
If there`s one thing I`ve learned, it`s that I should have learned some other stuff.
I always advise people never to give advice.
Procrastinating is just enjoying all the side quests in life whilst you delay the main quest story mission
After meeting me... my therapist is now in therapy...
Breaking News: I took a bath today
I am finally old enough to realize my father was right, but now my kids think I am wrong.
Hawaii is a great place to live if you hate being eligible for contests.
My grocery cart right now says ā Iām getting drunk and doing laundry tonight!ā And also. āI like fruit.ā
She texted me: "your adorable." I replied: "no, YOU`RE adorable." Now she likes me, but all I did was point out her typo.