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not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you’ll get what you want.
I often fantasize about lying naked in bed, surrounded by various bags of chips and I have octopus arms so I can eat all the chips at once.
Don`t forget: it`s very important what strangers on the Internet think about you.
I’d like to hang out, but that would get in the way of me being home and doing absolutely nothing.
There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between because you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.
"Why do you hate me"? I say as I attempt to hold my cat like a baby
I love facebook... It`s the only place where I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot...
I think the golden rule for men should be, don’t say anything to a woman at work that you wouldn’t want another man to say to you in prison.
There’s always that last setting on your windshield wipers that makes you go “damn, calm the f*ck down!”
Who decided that the abbreviation for pound should be two letters not in the word?
It`s Sunday or as I like to call it, "No pants day".
Pillow forts have no age limit when you’re awesome.
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas