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I`m pretty sure if I put what was actually on my mind as my Facebook status, all my friends would delete me.
I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’. You probably saw our posters on poles.
I’m classically trained in the art of Nintendo.
Calm down! I`m not officially late until I actually get there.
I love Alfredo sauce ... Unless you`re a dude named Alfredo.
Am I the only one who thinks water has that taste that no one can describe?
You really can`t say your laundry is done unless you are completely naked
It`s depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.
Women who say the quickest way to a man`s heart is through his stomach, have not seen his browser history.
The doctor said I should be drinking more whiskey. Also, I’m calling myself “the doctor” now.
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Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!
Hey babe, go to Google Earth, zoom in on your house. See that blue cap in the bushes? Hi!
When I think of a good status in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it’s too late.
Friday. The golden child of the weekdays. The superhero of the workweek. The welcome wagon to the weekend. The famous F word we thank God for every week.