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I believe in karma that means I can do bad things to people I don’t like and assume they deserved it.
Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drink. You choose your own adventure.
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she`s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
If a girl can kick your a$$ at video games, she’s a keeper.
I tried yoga once, but we called it Twister
Whenever someone says, "Have a good one." I always respond with, "I have a good one, I just wish it were longer."
"2 weeks with my baby xoxoxo" lol,calm down romeo&juliet.
The Push Up ice cream company should just buy out Pringles and make all of our lives easier.
4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot how to reduce their fractions.
I’ll need a weekend to recover from this weekend.
Why go to a public pool when strangers on Craigslist will pee on you for free
It`s always darkest before the dawn. So if you`re going steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s be the time to do it.
From now on when I accept a friend request I`ll just write on their wall: You belong to me now.
Taco Tuesday sends a terrible message to our nation`s children. They need to know that tacos are always an option no matter what day it is.
Once my ex knocked on my door & then shouted that it was her, so I texted “im not home” then seconds later I texted “if u happen to be here”