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People all around the world are out doing interesting and productive things right now. You are reading this.
Does anyone know how much water I`m supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?
I like to make up words just to keep my auto correct in check.
Ways to tell a woman is mad at you: 1. She is silent. 2. She is yelling. 3. She acts different. 4. She acts the same. 5. She kills you.
We look like we are being productive, but really, we are just talking sh!t about co-workers and how drunk we got last weekend.
I was watching craps at the casino all night until security finally dragged me out of the bathroom.
“I demand a recount.” – Me, in a nugget dispute at McDonald’s.
Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag? Me: No, let`s just keep it in the carton, ok?
Did you know, the designated driver is usually the guy having the most luck with the ladies.
So, which one of you is going to be the subject of your local news` annual turkey fryer accident story?
If I were Noah, I’d be grabbing two of every bottle of alcohol
Girls, dont read this please: Hey guys, isn`t it funny how our wives/or girlfirends really think that we care what they did that day? lol.....it never gets old.
You call them ‘naps’ but I prefer to call them ‘alcohol-induced aftershocks`
A book fell on my head, I can only blame my shelf.
There are 10 types of people in the world, Those that understand binary, and those who don`t.