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I saved my husband`s life insurance company 1 million dollars by switching to xanax.
I hope the next big trend in music is Talent.
Married sext: I`m not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times
I used to care what you thought of me, then I remembered what I thought of you.
Give a man a fish and chances are you won`t be asked to be in charge of buying a gift "from all of us" anymore.
Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
I`m an accident looking for a place to happen!
Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I`ll never get to touch.
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
The only thing I drink from a shot glass nowdays is Maalox.
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
Procrastinators Unite!! ... tomorrow.
You know it’s a really good bar when there’s a couple outside breaking up.
Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!
What do women want? The opposite of whatever they have.