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Nothing is really lost until your mom can’t find it.
If you ever Google "Grandfather Clock", be careful how you spell that sh!t.
Next time you take your dog for a walk pretend he`s solving a mystery.
I`m starting to think the Hangover Fairy and the Angel of Death are the same person.
Rolling out of bed is easy. Getting up off of the floor is another story.
I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look. That one is shaped like an idiot
Progress is made by lazy people looking for an easier way to do things
If your wife asks you if you know where the broom is, it`s not a good idea to ask her if she is going somewhere.
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
Just as I predicted, today was in fact a new day!
Just a reminder that your coworkers aren`t going to get eaten by bears on their own. You have to make that happen. You have to want it.
I love updating my Facebook status while crossing the stre
Yes, that`s correct. And the horse you rode in on.
I tried yoga and I think my downward dog looked more like winnie the pooh getting stuck in rabbit`s door.
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?