Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you are being attacked by a bunch of clowns the first thing to do is go for the juggler.
Gas prices are a lot like girls: We just wish they would go down.
Insanity means never having to say “I’m Guilty”.
3 words, 8 letters, easy to say, hard to prove... ..."I`m a zebra."
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
Being with you is like listening to golf on the radio.
I love Christmas presents wrapped in bubble wrap... it`s like two gifts in one!!
In the 60`s we took LSD to make the world look wierd. Now the world is weird and we take Prozac to make it look normal.
The reason dogs look confused when you open the refrigerator door is because they`re thinking "Why don`t you just eat ALL the food?"
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.
To all my ex girlfriends. Don`t worry. I`m still an asshole.
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: "The fat one won`t fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?"
Someone asked me if I`m ever scared that I`ll be alone forever, which I thought was so rude because my cat was right there.
Just realized the irony of putting Bacon on my VeggieBurger..........