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Getting married at 22 sounds alot like leaving the party at 9:30
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to Bounce of 3 walls, Knock over a lamp and kill a cat.
I have my own version of Whole Foods, where I eat the Whole Pizza, Whole Box of Donuts, Whole Bag of Chips...
Pretending to be a morning person is exhausting.
I don`t always say `oops`, but when I do, it`s usually ten minutes after I have a brilliant idea.
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn`t concentrate.
1, 2 Freddie´s coming for u 3, 4 better lock the door 5, 6 grab your crucifix 7, 8 gotta say up late 9, 10 never sleep again
Whole Foods added a 10 items or less checkout line.... *as if anyone can afford to buy more than 10 items at a Whole Foods.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it
ready for bed - gunna give my sheets some arse and my pillows head;]
If my memory gets any worse I`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.
Remember....... Its not drinking alone if you`re on Facebook ;)