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Does this status update make me look fat?
I`ve been waxing my car for twenty years and I still don`t know karate.
A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
It’s like these fools at the gym have never seen someone with roller skates on the treadmill before.
A good office manager never let`s you run out of ink, paper or vodka
Do you think retailers in Colorado have seen an increase in the sales of Easy Bake ovens and Brownie mix?
I always push when I should pull. I have doorlexia.
Being an adult is basically a "choose your own adventure" book, but every choice sounds terrible.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
If you can make a woman laugh, you`re almost there. If you`re almost there & she laughs, now that`s a different thing.
All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I`ve tried everything except `Buffering`.
Babies dont have parents, they have staff.
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.