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The awkward moment when you’re running and your boobs are bouncing …. and you’re a guy.
I want to cover you in expensive things…like gasoline.
It`s not the torch she carries for me that has me worried, it`s the gas can in her other hand.
I really like it when women check me out, they seem to be able to work the register a lot better than men.
Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
Today is National I Don`t Feel Like Doing Sh!t Day. Celebrate accordingly.
If your boyfriend answers your text while playing GTA, he doesn`t love you. He just died on the game.
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough
one day a man seen a fairy, and asked.... could you make me irresistible to all women.... so she turned him into a credit card. :`D
Right now my glass is half empty...Hey Bartender!!!
Whoever invented grass must be a billionaire that stuff is everywhere
A nice kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you. So I popped his balloon with my cigarette and told him so was talking to strangers.
I think I`m going to run for political office, so people can dig up dirt on me. I have been wanting to piece together my twenties.