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Just printed out 50 copies of today’s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I’m just not in the mood for small talk.
Remember, You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
I`m all for the "going green" thing, but I just can`t bring myself to buy toilet paper that says, "100% Recycled."
If the Terminator was female the line would have been, “I might be back, I haven’t decided yet.”
Christmas spirit? I`m proud to say I`ve got plenty of that. I`ve got rum, whiskey, gin, brandy, vodka and tequila.
When wearing a logo or clever t-shirt, make sure your rack looks good. No one likes reading stuff on a lumpy, wavy surface. You too, ladies.
I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...
Sometimes it takes me a full 8 hours to get nothing done.
I inherited my dad`s sense of humor. He`s not funny either.
One of us spends too much time on Facebook.
You can tell a lot about a person by putting a hidden camera in their bedroom.
Whether a Vacuum is on or off, it`s always collecting dust.
Why get married? Just pick a girl you hate and buy her a house.
You`re annoying, but honestly, I`ve been annoyed by better.