Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My New Year`s resolution is to spend more time wishing my enemies were dead.
I always get naked before I get in bed so I don`t know why this lady at Sears is giving me a dirty look in the mattress section.
Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
ME: “We have a problem, the liquor store is closed.” HER: “That`s ok, I don’t drink.” ME: “Ok we have two problems.”
Sometimes, I`ll start a text with "lol" if it might be a sensitive subject. Like, "lol it`d be cool if you moved out."
My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs. Unbelievable! I`ve been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
My exercise routine consists of doing diddly squats.
If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely!!
Why do the 5 seconds I have to wait before I can "skip ad" last 30 seconds?
Sorry I can`t make it to your party tonight- I have to get up REALLY early tomorrow afternoon.
What do we want? An end to auto-correct errors! When do we want it? Cow! Sow! Bow! Tow! Duck this...
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I know where you can buy drugs"