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If I don`t make at least one person scream, "WTF" then my day is not done yet.
If you think you’ve hit rock bottom, the only thing that can cheer you up is bringing somebody else down with you.
Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”
If I had any self control I`d probably eat that too.
Still don`t understand why you can`t end a company-wide email with, `Later b*tches.`
My internet went down. By which I mean my neighbors changed their password.
How can there be more horses asses than there are horses?
Is Nudeism a religion?
Someone asked me today what was the toughest thing about being a parent ... I would have to say it’s the kids.
Gone insane. Be back Tuesday.
When everything is coming your way, you`re probable in the wrong lane.
When you send food back to the kitchen, you`re basically saying, "Can you have the chef rub his genitals on this please."
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass
The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians.
What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?