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This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
What do sleeping and sex have in common? I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
When I was a kid and was going to "get it" that was bad. Now I`m an adult and I`m going to "get it" :)
A sign on the wall of the drug store said, "Ask the pharmacist if you have questions." How would the pharmacist know if I have questions?
Sometimes I meow back at cats.
I will always be here for you. Unless we run out of beer and someone has some over there. Then I will be over there for you.
I don`t understand fat homeless people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
Somehow I`m not nearly as overjoyed with this vegetable slicer as the woman on the infomercial was.
Just convinced my Mom she won`t get Wolf of Wall Street if she doesn`t see Teen Wolf first.
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says “trust me, you don’t want to know.”
Sleep is for people with no internet connection.
I walked briskly with scissors today. I’m pretty wild.
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it`s AM. Google thinks I`ve got my life together.
Neil Armstrong said "One small step for man...". I would`ve just said "OH MY GOD, I`M ON THE MOON!!!!!!".
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!