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wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don`t solve riddles that open portals to Hell.
If I had a dollar for every girl that told me I was unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
When I try to fold fitted sheets it looks like I’m in an infomercial that’s exaggerating how difficult it is to fold fitted sheets.
I would watch tennis more often if they replaced the ball boys with untrained golden retrievers.
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
I decided I`m not doing the whole clock-back routine this year. If you need me, I`ll be in the frickin future.
Some people say having a child is the best experience in the world. These people obviously never had 2 thing fall from a vending machine at once.
A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
We should not have trusted anything Charlotte wrote in her web. She was consistently talking out of her ass.
People who spend their lives complaining how other people are doing nothing productive for society are doing nothing productive for society.
Some old people are driving vehicles right now and don’t even know it.
Relationships are like just-out-of-the-oven pizza. You know it`s going to burn you, but it looks so good and maybe this time it won`t?
I am bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
I`ve got worms !!!! ......... worms in me garden
My favorite part of The Notebook is when I turned it off and watched Terminator 3 instead.