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Sorry I’m cranky. I didn’t get my nap in today.
Yeah, I was dropped as a baby. Into a pool of sheer awesome.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key
Ever wondered why there is a stairway to heaven, and a highway to hell? There´s apparently more traffic going to hell!!
Guuuyyyysssss, never ever play leapfrog with a unicorn.... Its not worth it.....
There’s really no reason to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.
When a man says he`ll do anything for a woman, he means slaying dragons, killing zombies and rescuing her from castle towers. IT DOES NOT MEAN cleaning garage, fixing roof and cleaning out the basement!
Press 1 for someone who probably learned English last month, but is going to try and communicate effectively with you anyway.
I liked your facebook update, only so I can unlike it.
If being an a$$hole was a professional sport, my face would be on a box of wheaties.
They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken
I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.
What`s the hold up on making extremely heavy shoes for toddlers so they can`t run around so much?
I think I’m going to take a hot shower. It’s like a normal shower, but with me in it…
I want my children to have all the things I never had so then I can move in with them.