Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just love having sex with you...Next time I hope you are there with me.
...and this right here son is called pornography, and it`s why they invented the internet.
Radio Shack has stayed in business with a name combining something no one buys anymore and a type of building no one wants to go into.
My wife and I decided to make our own sex tape. She was pissed off when I started holding auditions for her part.
Proposing to a woman isn’t like choosing a life-long business partner. It’s more like hiring your own boss.
I fart because it`s the only gas I can afford.
75% of my current net worth is in gift cards.
The best thing about being single is all the sleeping around you can do…I can sleep all over my bed!
I`ve made up my mind, I`m not giving up anything for Lent, I`m no quitter...
It only takes 3.5 inches to please a woman, it doesn`t matter if its Visa or Mastercard.
Remember all those times I said "wow, that`s cool!"? What I really meant was, "shut the f*ck up, I hate you."
I`m not anti-social I`m just pro leave me the f*ck alone.
I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty.
How I talk: 25% swearing, 25% sarcasm 50% a combination of both.
is not rude...I just wasn`t taught to politely pretend to be nice to people I can`t stand.