Daily Silly Status

Here is your New Years Resolution. All of that stupid sh!t you did last year? Don’t do that crap this year. Done. You’re welcome.

If you tell someone your Birthday and they automatically know your astrological sign, run as fast as you can away from them.

I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine`s day as a birth control reminder to the other couples.

Inside me is a skinny person screaming to get out. But he shuts up when I eat cake.

A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.

Just ONCE, I`d like to look deep into your beautiful eyes, and make hot sweet love with you without some pop-up window ruining the mood.

Blessed are they who can just read it and move on.

To all the lovely ladies here I`m not wearing green....to all the guys here, I know Ju-Jitsu. Just saying

At Starbucks drive up window. Me: large iced chai please Them: you mean a venti? Me: large iced chai. Them: we call a large a venti. Me: Do you want a large tip or a venti tip? Them: large iced chai, please pull up.

I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough

I don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve.

You know it`s a classy establishment when they quietly ask you to leave.

My coworkers are looking at me like they`ve never seen anyone tailgate before work.

Sometimes I wish I was a nicer person but then I laugh and continue my day.

Let’s have a moment of silence for all these guys that tried to walk across power lines but fell because someone tied their shoes together.