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Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
How long do I have to wear these skinny jeans before they start working?
I wonder how long I`ll be skinny from all this dieting and juicing I`ve been doing. 1 month? A year? A couple of ye....ooh look cake.
When fighting with a clown, always go for the juggler.
There are a lot of side effects to smoking weed. Like never shutting up about the fact that you smoke weed.
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
Some Facebook friends are like ghost you dont see them but you know their there
I`ve been on a diet for 2 weeks and all I`ve lost is 14 days.
If you see someone crying, ask them if it is because of their haircut.
The only way I know if I`ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger
I declare today, “Hit that dumb person you’ve always wanted to punch in the face day.”
Born free. Now, I’m expensive.
I spent the first 20 minutes of 2014 looking for the remote.
Finding a needle in a haystack is quite easy if you just set the hay on fire.