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Having a contest with my couch and my washing machine to see who has more money. So far I`m in 3rd.
My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying don`t run into anyone you know
Don`t rush me, I`m waiting until the last minute.
It`s so cute how all the free sandwiches in the fridge at work have little names.
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways.
Facebook would be much more interesting if they let you decide, which part of the body you wanna Poke.
Since my girlfriend has gotten pregnant alot has changed... Like my name, address and telephone number.
It makes sense that animals pee on something to mark their territory. I mean if someone peed on something, most people would be like, "Eww, okay. That`s yours now."
Ebay is really getting worse and worse to use. Yesterday I searched for a cigarette lighter. I got 3,974, 601 matches...
The success of a marriage hinges entirely on the ability to know which of your wife’s clothing is okay to go into the dryer.
Keep it down kids!.. Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.
I feel bad for the photons that travel 93 million miles from the sun and then have to bounce off your stupid face.
I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That`s it. No more reading!
Pizza is like sex, when it is good it`s very good, When it`s bad...it`s still pretty good.
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.