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I`m actually a really good driver, when Facebook is down.
I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?
I enjoy long walks away from responsibility.
My wife hasnt stopped looking through the window since it started raining. If it gets worse, I might have to let her back in...
Panick, chaos, anarchy... my work here is done.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sandwiches are tasty, rhyming is hard
I tried kickboxing, but I couldn`t get the hang of walking with boxing gloves on my feet.
Who picks up a seeing eye dogs poop?
The secret to happiness is a good sense of humor and a bad memory.
When a girl says "no," a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."
Idea: maybe the police force for a town of 20,000 shouldn`t have access to weapons you ordinarily need cheat codes to get
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
Life is about perspective like the sinking of the Titanic was a miracle for the lobsters in the ships kitchen
Me and my recliner...we go way back.
Why does the person who snores always fall asleep first?