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Sex is great, but.....Have you ever had stuffed crust pizza?!?!
Lady at my gym is pedaling a stationary bike while eating chips right out of the bag. I`m hiring her as my personal trainer.
A lot of people do not realize that the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
tonights theme: grab somebody sexy tell them hey, give me everything tonight!
If you didn`t want to be hit with a shovel then you never should have started telling me about your problems.
This looks like a job for Superman! -unemployed Superman reading the classifieds
The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.
"Well, now I see how you came up with the word `Microsoft`." -Melinda Gates (on their wedding night)
My girlfriend said if this gets 100 thumbs up we`ll try anal. So please don`t vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.
I feel like grabbing some random kid and screaming "I`m YOU from the future!"
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.