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FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
My imaginary friend is bullying me.
If intelligent people don’t start having babies as fast as the trash in “honey boo boo”, we’re headed for a very dumb future. Am I the only one that sees this?!
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking.
I`m not funny, I`m just kidding u
The more I drink the better my Idea`s seem to get.
I give movies with 2 stars a 5 on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
Men think us women dream of finding the perfect man when really, all we want is to eat anything without getting fat.
The older I get the earlier it gets late.
Research shows that when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" he infact did.
I don`t want to brag, but I`m single-handedly responsible for 86% of the rules in the Employee Handbook at work.
When I was younger my dad showed me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.
Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.
at my age, the best part of waking up is the fact that I did wake up