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Jimmy is short for James? This is where I think English is stupid. They have the same number of letters. Do they even know what short means?
Stop everything you’re doing. Think about me. You’re welcome.
Pornography only gets called by its full name when it`s in trouble too.
To the guys complaining about lack of sex from their woman: supply & demand. Supply better product, they`ll demand it more. -Bfanch
I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck and go on a high speed chase just because it`d be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck
You think your life is bad? I’ve got that “Five dollar foot long” song stuck in my head
If I could keep it short, my life would be so much simpler.
My friends had a surprise party for me last night, well I called it a surprise party they called it an intervention.
I would like to be a Disney Princess...You know, where I have random animals showing up to help with the housework!
This year, I`m thankful for all the people that included me in their mass texts wishing me a "Happy Thanksgiving," now I know which numbers to block when Christmas comes around.
Make BIG mistakes in life. Those people are remembered forever. On Youtube.
All my passwords are protected by amnesia.
I`m painting a blue square in the backyard... so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
I`m a nonviolent person until I see a spider. Then I turn into Al Capone and "I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND!
I think my phone has a Miley virus,It stopped twerking