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Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.
!that embarrasing moment when you fake a call then a real one comes...!lol.
Marriage is just a 50 year long negotiation over thermostat settings.
My inner self is in Photoshop
Look, all I`m saying is if you didnt want me to take my clothes off and do an interpretive dance you should have turned off Michael Jacksons "man in the mirror".
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. Except for bodily functions...Hopefully you can control THEM. :/
Statistically, I`ve come to the conclusion that I`m going to hell in multiple religions.
The longest five seconds in anyone’s life is waiting to press the “Skip Ad” button on YouTube.
If my calculations are correct, I can retire about 5 years after I die.
I feel pretty confident that if anyone ever steals my identity, they will inevitably improve my credit score…
FYI: You can buy wedding cake even if there`s no wedding, those suckers don`t even check
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
The only way to communicate with a drunk person is to get hammered too.
Seeking one night stand. I might need two though, I do have a lot of books.