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The weekend went by and I don’t remember any of it. That’s a good thing right?
You left a note on the fridge saying "This isn`t working. Goodbye" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don`t get it.
Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did New Years Eve and at the beginning add the word "stop."
My high school girlfriend got "uses her kids as her facebook profile picture" fat.
if the shoe fits wear it , if it too tight take it off
I have never walked toward the exit of a supermarket without nervously wondering if I`ve stolen something.
Good thing Jan Brady`s older sister wasn`t named Beetlejuice
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
I don`t wanna be told what to do unless I`m naked
Got tossed outta Starbucks this morning for asking the really cute redhead behind the counter for a "Quickie". Apparently it`s pronounced "Quiche`" who knew......
I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption "it`s cold" could you tell me more about that
If you trip and are about to fall on the ground yell "He`s got a gun!" and then you`ll look like a cool hero.
They say laughter is the best medicine... found out that`s not true for treating diarrhea.
Good news: I learned how to build a fire. Bad news: I need a new toaster oven.
I want to take this moment to thank the depends adult diaper company for allowing me to play my video game for a strait 8 hours uninterupted...