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I wasn`t even going for broke. But I got it!
If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes. Not the best idea a man ever had ;)
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to prevent me from savagely beating my coworkers with a keyboard.
Drunk people are the only honest ones left.
I need u to do me a favor... Stand in front of my car please... I need to test my brakes :)
Life is just better when you’re laughing.
While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body -But men are so polite, that they stare only at the covered places.
Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.
I know the light has changed twice people but I`m playing air drums until Moby Dick is over...sit back and enjoy the show please...
That annoying moment when a package says "easy open" and you need scissors, a knife, a gun, and a lightsaber just to open it.
I guess the teachers went back to school. The bar was nearly empty this morning.
Surprise your wife today. Sell all her shoes and buy something nice for yourself.
I think germs are so nice for waiting 5 seconds before attacking food that falls on the floor.
Bill Gates: A billi a billi a billi JayZ: Half billi half billi half billi Lil Wayne: A milli a milli a milli Me: A dollar a dollar a dollar