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Please ignore this post, I`m pretending to be adding a coworker`s phone number.
In alcohol`s defense, I`ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping their asses
Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101. Today`s class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you`re here now, you failed.
Today I learned not all people are appreciative of vetriloquism. Especially my gynecologist.
Dear Alcohol, Will you be my valentine? ?
Ohh sh!t, my b!tch button is stuck.
Moving all my retirement funds into a Colorado snack machine franchise.
If relationship breakups never existed, the music industry would go Bankrupt !
I must have a great butt because every time I finish talking with someone and start to walk away, I hear them whisper "What an a$$."
I feel sorry for people who don`t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
Absolutely is my favourite nothing to do...
keep scrolling I`ve got nothing....
FACT: There’s always room for another cupcake.
if your morning beverage isn`t half booze/half coffee, you`re doing Saturday wrong.