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Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend.
Lazy Fact #69302246777573 - You were too lazy to read that number.
Sometimes I just go to work for the free internet.
If you can read this please let me know – because it means I blocked the wrong person.
Never let the printer know that you are in a hurry.
I stayed at a really nice, really fancy hotel this weekend. The towels were so thick I could hardly get my suitcase shut.
I`m so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..
Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don´t make eye contact while eating a banana.
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me Limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking?
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happened to me, only with beer.
I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
My wife treats me like a God…She takes very little notice of my existence until she wants something.
Still have my French Maid costume in case any of you have a dirty house. I`ll be happy to sit there and look sexy while your wife cleans....
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?