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Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.
According to the law it`s not appropriate to put a bounty on my boss. I actually thought it showed great initiative and leadership.
If I had a mood ring on today, it`d be flashing like a disco ball!
If they really want to increase breast awareness, why not try a National Motorboat Day?
When I die, I want people to say, "That guy owed me a lot of money"
No way the guy from Operation is insured for any of those ridiculous medical procedures.
Ways to tell a woman is mad at you: 1. She is silent. 2. She is yelling. 3. She acts different. 4. She acts the same. 5. She kills you.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you have a person in your basement."?
I would run a marathon. If the only 2 bars were 26.2 miles apart and the first one was closed.
They keep telling me theres plenty of fish in the sea, but I havent caught one in years, soooo I continue to sit here, holding my rod.
I’ve taken off my pants in most malls that I’ve been to.
Sarcasm is a dominant gene in my family.
I always get this dream where I`m driving in reverse ...Then I wake up and see that I`m driving normally.
I am NOT high maintenance, I simply have more preferences than most.
People always say, "You can`t have your cake and eat it too." I say, "Of course you can. Just make two cakes!"