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I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
A cash bar on parent-teacher conference nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.
If you can´t say anything nice ... we´re probably related.
I don`t know what I would do without you, but I bet it`s awesome.
Can`t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
I hope I never go to jail because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2001
Love is a two way street but you have to be careful because women can’t drive.
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
I bought a pair of Meatloaf underwear today. On the front they say `I would do anything for love`. On the back, `But I wont do that!`
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools
I stop at random Jehovah`s Witness houses and drop off copies of Rolling Stone.
Nothing is impossible.. Never Give Up.. I know a guy that once actually guessed correctly why his girlfriend was mad at him.. :|
I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now when I don`t even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago.
There’s no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know.