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What a terrible day. I`m going to drive through puddles & splash pedestrians to make myself feel better,
If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.
My wife and I toss a coin to settle arguments; heads she wins, tails I apologise.
Must be my day for Mis-Advertizing --- I just ate a Bowl of Cheerios ----- and they DIDN`T make me Happy!!!! FML!!! :-P
I met a girl who told me that she broke up with her last boyfriend because he just didn`t work out. Which is when I knew, she wasn`t the one for me, as I hate to work out as well.
This day is going downhill faster than a wagon full of fat kids!
Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us.
Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
I won $20 by not playing the lottery last night!
I`m no expert, but I`m pretty sure a lot of economic problems could be solved by extending the McDonald`s breakfast menu back out to 11am.
The best two kinds of beer in this world are....Cold & Free..
I`d like to have a child one day ... Two days, tops.
My diet could best be described as, "unchaperoned child at a birthday party."
I`m on my 5th coffee, just in case you`re wondering about the "other way" to get to Narnia .