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More food should come with prizes inside it.
Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
My boss hates "yes" men and I have to agree with him.
Last night I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow. When I woke up in the morning, my pillow was gone...
When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It`s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.
I’m eating for two – me and that skinny girl inside my body. She likes cake, too.
"Rear facing, pedal activated photon cannon" sounds much more badass than "brake lights"
One minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
Step One: Always have a solid alibi.
Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
No great story started with someone drinking water.
Don`t worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex`s name tattooed.
Sometimes I can’t remember what parking lot I left my car in at the mall so I get it Malaysia Airlines…I totally get it.
A three hour long movie adaptation of pages 74 and 75 of the Hobbit? Friggin count me in.
I found that 99% of the time, when I`m not listening, just saying "that`s some bullshi*t" makes them happy.