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Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible.
Immature is a word boring people use to describe fun people.
Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
My whole life consists of wondering whether or not to make the sarcastic comment.
Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked.
Not remembering where I set my drink down must be the same feeling parents have when they lose their four year old at the mall.
I really need a day inbetween Saturday an Sunday
I’ve been searching for my stolen bed. And I won’t rest until I find it.
Whenever I try cleaning my room I either end up making a bigger mess, or just playing with the stuff I thought I lost.
The bottle of Pepto Bismol say’s 4 out of every 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one of them enjoys it?
What Flickering Lights Mean: 1% Electrical problems 99% demons and sh!t.
Go ahead, judge me. Wait, let me get my bat first. Alright, I`m ready now.
Go ahead, post sober. Ruin everything.
The number of red lights you will hit while driving are directly proportional to how bad you have to pee.
I have no idea why they say that counting sheep helps you fall asleep. This farm is freezing and these cows are noisy as hell.