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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.
Bad Morning: As I sit on the throne remembering I used all the toilet paper last night for Halloween pranks.
I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
Currently in the planning stages for a hangover.
I`m already getting into the Thanksgiving spirit, I`ve given the bird to lots of people today.
Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!
Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.
Maybe the reason the world keeps making idiots famous is because 75% of the world is made up of idiots.
If lemons hand you life, you’re probably dyslexic
Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f*ck themselves is PRICELESS...!
Dear McDonalds cashier, Don`t give me that look, there`s no age limit on a happy meal. Sincerely, don`t forget the toy b!tch.
Crayons are a lot like M & M`s, all the colors taste the same.
I was disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.